From My Bed

I have had the surgery on my back and it has proved to be way more painful and far more serious than I ever imagined. 

I had not prepared for this.

Maybe a good thing. 

Fate usually intervenes and we see the light after the dark patch.

When they did the surgery they found more broken bones that have been broken over the last few weeks. 

Shit that explains why I have been so sore!

So all of a sudden here I am again in a place where I have to step out of life and observe it. 

I cannot walk except to the toilet.

I cannot sit, I cannot lie on my back - so I lie on my side. 

I lie down and think, talk, read and dream. I also watch my little family buzz about around me. 

I feel safe seeing their beautiful daddy and dedicated family and friends making their worlds pleasantly secure and as hiccup free as possible. 

They gently come over and offer me words or encouragement or rub my back and assure me it will be OK.

I am so proud of these people I call my family. 

Such compassionate angels.

I am really blown away with how painful this is. 

Every movement is cruel. 

I feel overwhelmed at times at how bitter the pain is that I call out, it seems the only release.

It literally takes my breath away.

Although it is so hard, I find this a familiar scene. 

This time I am a lot older and I now have my own beautiful family. But I do recognise this healing pattern. 

I remember how you wonder how it goes forward from here and I clearly see the growth that is needed from me in order to get through this positively.

I am keeping that focus.

The love, care and dedication my beautiful man shows to me is something truly special. The tenderness he treats me with in my totally vulnerable hour is unbelievable. 

He calmly holds it all together here with no grunting and groaning. 

He dresses, holds and comforts me. He is the most amazing man. I truly have been blessed with a person like that to share these days with.

The meals, flowers, phone calls, messages, cards and tokens of love from my friends and family are simply amazing. I could not be a luckier girl and although it is easy to wallow in such a hard time it would be crazy to not see the thousands of blessings that are happening each day.

At a time like this although so isolating in some ways, a beautiful clear perspective is at hand because I'm surrounded by such compassionate, caring and spirited people working hard to take a moment of my pain or to pour some joy into my day. 

As I look at the path and life I have been dealt some days I wonder why I need to feel these pains and emotional upheavals of physical changes and then other days like today, I see the true blessings and miracles. 

Human spirit and the kindness of others is life saving and the most truly touching and uplifting gift of them all. 

The small insignificant gripes seem less important and the world seems full of good people.

I am healing and growing again, both inside and out. 

My body will take on new shape and I will have experienced losing a part of me and hopefully will gain more inner strength. 

It is an interesting time.

 So at the moment I will use truck loads of love and support as my medicine of choice.

Thank you so very much for your messages of good health and support. They are gold to me, they truly are.

Happy and slow days to you all
Xxxxx

(I used a  photo of our garden in Italy. The lavender that sprayed up all around the grounds were so pretty. I am obviously without my sweet Canon at the moment and Italy is nice place to lay my dreams tonight. Purple a colour suited to healing ones pains....perfect!)